Justice

Justice is a funny thing. It means many different things to different to different people. For me it wasn't something i had really considered properly until this week.

In December 2013 i finally got the courage to end a violent relationship. This was possibly one of the hardest things i will ever to do and for me ending it meant i could finally seek my own justice. I went to my local police station with a close friend and told my story to an officer. I was given the option of filing for a restraining order or pressing charges and making a statement. This was a very difficult choice to make as at the time i still cared a lot for my partner but knew what had been going on was wrong. I went home and talked to many of my close friends and family and finally made the decision that i did want justice. What had happened to me was wrong and i needed to do something about it. Not just for me but for future partners that my ex boyfriend would have. I decided that by pressing charges i would give them a chance of escaping what i had been through.

This is where my long and emotional journey to get justice started. I returned to police station and sat for 3 hours while i wrote out our entire relationship in 3 statements and around 30 pages. In it i had to give specific details of all the abuse, both emotional and physical , that i had endured for the past year. Following this my ex was arrested and charged with just 3 counts of Common assault and one charge of criminal damage. This is the first point where i felt i hadn't got justice for what had happened to me. The abuse had lasted a year and in this time i believe i was assaulted well above 50 times. However the police can only charge people with things they believe that they can prove 100% happened. Despite this set back i agreed to giving evidence in court and our date was set for 5 months time. This wait was extremely long and difficult. The way that i kept describing it to people was waiting for a divorce to be filed. To be single but to still have that thread attaching you, not allowing you to move on. 

The date finally came and i arrived at court with 4 other witnesses on my side, 40 pages of text messages and one photo submitted to evidence. Everyone told me that there was no way i would be made to give evidence. That in 95% of all cases that go to court for domestic violence the witnesses are never made to give evidence. Its something that doesn't happen as the punishment for the defendant if they make the victim go to court are always worse. That in my case there was no way he would get away with it and he would be stupid to even let it get that far. He was advised against letting it go to trial and it would be over within half an hour of getting to court. This wasn't the case, i was made to stand up in court and tell my story for over two hours. The most awful questions were asked and i was made out to be liar. But i did it, i came out crying and shaking but i had done it. I told my story and did my part to get my justice. The rest of the witnesses gave their evidence also and we all celebrated, we had done it. 

We waited for a further two weeks for our verdict and when it came back it was devastating. Not Guilty. He had gotten away with it. As no one had actually seen him hit me they couldn't prove that it had happened. The case that i was told couldn't be lost, had been lost along with my justice. I now sit here with a four year restraining order and somehow i feel no justice at all. I feel completely let down by our system. 

After giving my evidence in court i would of told anyone in my position to go to the police and to make a stand. The police were amazingly helpful, as were victim support, witness support and Harbor (the domestic violence team) so what went wrong? I didn't get my justice and now i have to try and move on and deal with it best i can, knowing i wasn't believed by the courts and in this case the law favors the criminal. Would i have got justice if i had allowed my friends and family to sort it themselves, to not go to the police. Would it have been easier on me if i had just agreed to restraining order to start with, not put myself through all that, not made a stand?

What justice?