Domestic Violence is one of them uncomfortable subjects that no on really wants to talk about, it awkward and people aren't sure what is okay to say and what isn't. But that's not how it should be just as things are changing with mental health, things need to change with domestic violence. I myself have been a victim of domestic violence and this post is my opportunity to say what i want to say about it without the awkwardness or judgment from others.
Before my experience when i thought of domestic violence i always pictured it being couples who were married, older, with children and a mortgage. I thought of it as being drunken old men beating their wife and she being unable to leave due the children and money. But this couldn't be further from the truth, it happens to people of all ages, social backgrounds and cultures. Its also not just physical abuse, it can be emotional abuse as well which in many cases can be just as, or even more damaging.
For me i was just 17 when the relationship started, it started like any other relationship, he was the perfect boyfriend. He made me happy and i quickly started falling in love with him. I personally think that's one of the things that hurts the most about relationships like this. It's much easier to accept that a random stranger could hurt you, someone that doesn't know you, but for someone who you put all your trust in, someone that sees you at your must vulnerable, someone is supposed to love you, that's much harder to accept. When hearing about a relationship which has violence in it a lot of people say 'just leave' especially when you are so young and have no commitments such as a house or children, but its not that easy. You love them, you want them to change, you want them to love you.
Although physical abuse is awful and something that i wouldn't wish upon anyone, bones, bruises and cuts all heal. Emotional abuse is something that takes years and years to recover from, and in some cases i believe it never does really heal. For me i think that its going to take me a long, long time to ever be in a relationship again and allow myself to trust someone that much. It knocks your confidence more than you could ever imagine. Happy bubbly, social people turn into shy and reclusive shadows of what they used to be. Comments that would usually be taken as a joke have a massive impact on peoples confidence, after been told by a partner for however long that you are worthless and an embarrassment hearing it even as a light hearted joke by a friend can cause so much pain.
In future posts as i grow with confidence i would like to talk about my experience in a violent relationship, how to deal with this, the warning signs, my experience with the police and the justice system but most importantly share the journey of me rebuilding my life with you.
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